Pining Hideaway Summer Drink Menu: Swigs with a Twist
Hermit Crab Fiction
by J.R. Handfield and Melissa Flores Anderson
Carter Beats the Devil
Tequila, mezcal, lime and chile tincture; adjust spice level to situation (high spice if out with old college buddies to show off, low spice level if out with your new woman who doesn’t eat anything spicier than ketchup because you want to be able to put your hot lips on her later tonight)
Kentucky Mule
Bourbon and lime mixed with a ginger beer. For additional flavor, think fondly of the red-haired girl with the Southern accent that everyone in your college class adored
Sex on the Beach
Vodka, orange juice, peach schnapps and cranberry juice. Warning: drink may lead to outcomes that include sand getting everywhere, inevitable chafing and potential sunburn in unexpected places
Midori Sour
Melon liqueur, vodka, lemon juice, lime juice, club soda with a twist of nostalgia for nights in the city when the bass boomed through your bones and friendship transformed into something like love, reminding you that the music sounds better with him
Corpse Reviver No. 2
Designed as a morning-after drink “strong enough to wake a corpse,” this cocktail has equal parts gin, curaçao, lemon juice, an aperitif and finished with a dash of absinthe. The hottie in the blue fairy outfit at that one Halloween Party ain’t gonna chase themself…
Boulevardier
Rye, sweet vermouth, Campari and a dash of regret that you asked to sit on the patio in the Adirondack chairs that create space between you and your work crush instead of the dark, romantic interior where your knees and hands might have brushed, innocently or not
French Paloma
Tequila, St-Germain, grapefruit and lime juices, and the remnants of that bitter fight you had with your brown haired, brown eyed girl who argued that any drink made with liquor from an agave plant shouldn’t be named for an imperialist European country, and who broke your heart before you could surprise her with those airline tickets to Paris
Dirty Mother
Coffee liqueur, brandy, over ice; add cream to make it white, like that winter in Reno when he taught you craps and asked you back to his hotel room just to watch a movie this time, and you stroked his leg for an hour before he finally leaned over and kissed you and said, “Fine, one more time”
Long Island Iced Tea
A cocktail with many ingredients; a list as long and varied as the list of flaws levied upon you by your ex during that last, epic argument where it all fell apart. The amount of alcohol in this drink is significant, and, in your mind, necessary to help you forget. Just mix them all together; it’ll be okay
Spicy Fifty
Vanilla-flavored vodka with lime juice, red pepper, honey syrup, and, most importantly, elderflower cordial. Shaken with ice, double-strained, served in a standard cocktail glass. Increase or reduce amount of elderflower cordial dependent on level of anger, disappointment or predicted skill level of the board-certified toxicologist on duty
Small plates menu available, with scents of your grandmother’s kitchen, your prom date dinner, the pizza from the dining commons and the burnt popcorn from the very first time you held hands at a movie theater. Non-memory associated food and drink available at our sister property down the street, the Basic Bar.
J.R. Handfield (@jrhandfield - http://jrhandfield.com) lives in Central Massachusetts with his wife, his son, and his cat; not necessarily in that order.
Melissa Flores Anderson (@melissacuisine, www.melissafloresandersonwrites.com) is a Latinx Californian whose creative work has been published in swamp pink, Chapter House, ELJ Editions and HAD. She has published a novelette (ELJ Editions) and a chapbook (JAKE) in 2024. Her non-writer friend Andrew Lawson helped with drink recipes for this piece.
