Unicorn Destiny: Nostalgia

Unicorn Destiny: Nostalgia

June 1. The day before this one, Lena had been decluttering – tossing out childhood trinkets, uneaten groceries, frivolous purchases, and clothes that didn’t suit her style anymore, some of them with tags remaining. It astounded Lena how much apparent junk she’d accumulated over the years. The chore was exhausting, and she was eager to sleep. 

Lena moved a lot in her sleep and was used to waking up in the morning surrounded by bedding sprawled every which way across the mattress. But the morning of that first day in June, she’d found rips in her sheets and irreparable tears in her pillowcase. Her neck ached like it’d been turned at an unnatural angle overnight. Left hand cradling her head, Lena’s body made its way to the bathroom. When her right hand found the wall switch, light burst from the bulbs above Lena’s sink. The moment her eyes adjusted to the light, Lena saw it: a rainbow-striped unicorn horn protruding from her forehead.

Fingers trembling, Lena reached to touch this impossible thing now inhabiting the topmost area of her face. It felt firm as bone. It was wide as her palm. It was unmistakably a rainbow unicorn horn. Fear and disbelief filled her heart, and Lena wasn’t sure if she was breathing as she traced the length of the horn; just before reaching its pointed tip, Lena fell to the floor.

***

June 4. Lena hadn’t been outside her apartment in three days. Her supervisor was mildly concerned to receive a sick leave request; Lena wasn’t one to take days off. At home, Lena pushed away thoughts of seeing a doctor. Staff at the urgent care center had treated her well for flu shots and yeast infections, but what could they do about a unicorn horn? And who knew how she’d be treated when normal people saw her horn out on the street?

Food was running low in the apartment. Lena knew it’d be more practical to order groceries, but instead ordered a bowl of pho – comfort food from her favorite Vietnamese restaurant down the street. Thirty minutes later, three knocks on her front door announced the food’s arrival. Lena waited. She feared stepping out too soon, worried the delivery person would see the horn. 

After counting two minutes aloud, she opened the door just enough to slide herself through. In that moment, when her torso bent to retrieve the plastic bag containing her food, the deliveryman’s slim frame appeared in the corner of her eye. He’d paused for a few minutes to scroll on his phone. Lena’s body remained bent, mid-retrieval, and the two strangers locked eyes for a split second. His gaze traveled to the unicorn horn. Then he lifted his phone and took a picture.

***

June 5. Lena had never gone viral online before, but Unicorn Girl spread like a plague across social media platforms. 

“It’s like a fairytale!” one user wrote.

“It’s giving Disney princess!” another commented.

“What the… this is so unnatural.”

“Pride Month Unicorn on the timeline!”

“A rainbow horn in the middle of Pride Month? PROPAGANDA.” 

“Stop blowing up this girl with the unicorn horn, DAMN. Show us a bitch with some ass.”

“My daughter is begging for a unicorn horn just like this one. Where can I find it in stores?”

“Click here to see Unicorn Girl down on all five.” That comment was followed by a winky-face emoji and the link to a deepfake pornographic image of Lena, naked—her hands, knees, and horn on the ground.

***

It must have been June 6 that her destiny slipped away: the day Unicorn Girl was a guest on Jackie Falloy’s 30-Second Talk Show. Lena recalled how she and a friend used to joke that the only people on Jackie’s show were those seeking to extend their 15 minutes of fame after one or two of their posts went viral.

Guests have 30 seconds to perform before a live audience and answer an interview question if time allows. Despite the brevity of each segment, show creators spared no expense on the grandiose set. Millions of viewers streamed the episodes every Saturday night.

Since childhood, the prospect of being in front of any camera brought Lena headache-inducing anxiety. However, one of the show’s producers convinced her this was an opportunity to reclaim normalcy. “Show the world you accept yourself, and they’ll accept you,” he’d urged.

Unicorn Girl was slated to appear after an environmental chemist who’d gone viral for dancing to a hyperpop song in her lab and before a rock star who’d recently fallen out of favor with the public for comments he’d made during a livestream. 

“Help me give a warm welcome to…the Shimmying Scientist!” the show’s host, Jackie Falloy, bellowed. The chemist stepped through the show curtain. As she marched centerstage, the live audience whooped and cheered. Then Falloy threw his arm down like a gauntlet, and the audience members fell silent. Through stage speakers blared the famous hyperpop song this scientist was known for dancing to. Falloy hopped aside and cried, “Show us what you got!”

The chemist, however, remained completely still, hands inside the pockets of her lab coat.

“That dance video remains posted online. You can see it there,” she said coolly. “While I have this platform tonight, my duty is bringing awareness to the real and present dangers each one of use are in due to our environmental recklessness.”

Falloy chuckled awkwardly, eyes darting.

“This is no laughing matter,” she continued. “Greed and overconsumption – on the part of governments, corporations, and individuals – have poisoned our planet. We must live our daily lives with the health of the environment in mind. We…”

As soon as her 30 seconds were up, the crowd could endure the chemist’s defiance no longer. They booed and cursed until Falloy had no choice but to shoo her towards backstage. Once she was out of sight, a few folks in the audience whispered about boldness and bravery and truth.

“We were expecting a dance, but it seems someone came here to take a stand,” Falloy said with a laugh that exuded forced brightness. The audience erupted into roaring laughter. Behind the curtain, Lena awaited her cue, her mouth dry and arms tingling, a faint throbbing above her ears. She hoped Falloy’s light-hearted transition could curve the crowd’s mood post-controversy.

“Our next guest has to give us what we came for! It’s stuck at the top of her face! Please welcome, the Unicorn Girl!” 

The loudest applause of the night greeted the Unicorn Girl as she joined Falloy onstage. Lena tripped slightly. The weight of her horn, the blinding stage lights, and the high heels –it was like they were colluding to make her stumble. Once she reached centerstage, her legs stood frozen, expectant faces gazing at her from all around.

“There’s no need to be shy! You’re something straight out of a story book! Isn’t she, folks?” Falloy encouraged. Again, the audience clapped and cheered, some on the verge of awe-inspired tears.

“Well, I’m doin’ my best to adjust,” Lena stammered. “I turned 30 recently. Never expected this would be my year as ‘the Unicorn Girl’.”

The crowd burst into approving cheers. Chants of “Fairytale! Fairytale!” erupted from a corner of the live viewers and soon spread throughout the entirety of the studio audience. On the clock, Lena’s 30 seconds were up. She smiled feebly and scurried back through the stage curtain, past the rockstar awaiting his cue, and made her way to the dressing room hallway. Several staff members and other guests greeted her with smiles and brief praise.

Off to the side, away from the bustle, the environmental chemist stood. She stared at the unicorn horn. Her lips parted; her eyes opened as wide as the two fists clenched at her side. Confused, Lena watched her standing that way for a full minute. Suddenly, the chemist turned away and strode off to the hallway’s end. She shoved through the emergency exit, setting off a shrieking chorus of alarms.

***

More likely, Lena missed her destiny on or shortly after June 8. Exactly one week after its pimple-esque appearance, the horn was ready for stardom; or so the creators of “My Aunty Unicorn” thought. The Jackie Falloy producer had been right: In the days following her television debut, online mentions of the Unicorn Girl were mostly positive - excluding the deepfake image - which continued to circulate.

Producers at a popular streaming service geared toward children and families contacted Lena about a sitcom opportunity they’d put together just for her. In a series of the same name, the Unicorn Girl would play the titular “Aunty Unicorn” -- kind, eccentric, & magical neighbor of two siblings who need an understanding parental figure in lieu of their parents’ busy schedules.

They flew Lena out to Los Angeles. An airport security guard shadowed her the entire trip in case she used the horn as a weapon. Upon arrival, she was given what the receptionist described as “very special superstar treatment”: a meeting with the streaming service’s CEO himself.

The CEO was in his early sixties. His gray beard formed a strangely perfect U from ear-to-ear below a shiny, bald scalp. He sat across from Lena in a glass-walled conference room and was flanked by show producers on his left and right. He sat with hands clasped loosely over the slight bulge of belly held within the buttons of his Italian wool blazer. Behind him and through the glass walls was a view of the L.A. skyline and the building’s parking lot.

“Great to meet you, Unicorn. I want to make this quick because it’s a pleasant, simple, introductory meeting, and my newest convertible is being delivered today – I’m tossing out the old one – and, frankly, you’re the only one for this role so I can’t imagine you’d say no, new 2044 Ferrari hybrid hypercar, you should look it up,” he delivered, unblinking. 

During the meeting, the smiling film execs seated at the CEO’s side provided an overview of filming schedules and protocols, standard actor contracts, and how to get that “pesky nude image” offline. Lena shifted uncomfortably at the mention of the deepfake. The feeling of relief at the possibility of a billion-dollar production company scouring the web to remove the image completely brought her to tears. 

Lena was given until June 15 to choose how she’d like to proceed and to call with her final decision – “here, my direct office number” – then an assistant escorted her out.

“So, how did you end up in such an odd body?” the assistant prodded, giggling. Lena sensed he was well-meaning and curious.

“Unironically, I woke up like this,” she answered, giggling a little too. “Will your boss really ‘toss out’ his old convertible?”

The assistant gave a casual wave of his hand, then lowered his neck and his voice.

“Oh, he does it every year. You know, like, when you buy a reusable water bottle and you love it, but then – while in line at a Starbucks – you see another one that’s so adorable and you simply must have it, so you throw out the old one? It’s like that.”

***

The days between June 8 and June 15 came and went. When Lena returned from L.A., oh how terribly her neck ached! As she crossed the country, stares directed at the Unicorn Girl from countless strangers created a crueler aching in her mind. When, finally, she’d arrived home, Lena silenced her phone and tossed it in her kitchen’s designated junk drawer. Like at the start of this whole horn ordeal, Lena once again became a recluse. She chose the solitude of her apartment, which soon devolved into lassitude – bed or couch or floor. So, not unnaturally, June 15 came, and June 16 came, and all the days after that were coming. 

But once that final decision day had passed, there came a phantom whisper - a lick of regret - which morphed into an onslaught of tongues lashing in Lena’s mind.

Unicorn Destiny: The End & Now